Just Say No

Jan 20, 2017
Originally published on March 6, 2017 9:04 am

Our finalists finally put their foot down in this game where every answer ends with the word "NO." If we asked, "What artist married John Lennon?" the answer would be "Yoko Ono."

Heard on Eugene Mirman: Burger On A Sesame Seed Pun

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

It's now time to crown our big winner. Let's bring back our finalists - Charlotte, who got her preferred granola back in the dining hall after participating in a letter writing campaign on napkins, and Gabriela who was once paid 20 bucks to buy a book at Borders.

(APPLAUSE)

O. EISENBERG: Puzzle guru Art Chung, take it away.

ART CHUNG: Charlotte, Gabriela, it's time for your final exam. College is full of bad decisions, so this final round is called Just Say No. Every answer will end in the letters N-O. For example, if I asked what artist married John Lennon, you'd say Yoko Ono. We're going to play this round like a penalty shoot-out. You'll each get up to eight questions. The contestant who scores the most points will be our big winner, and your prize is an ASK ME ANOTHER Rubik's Cube signed by Eugene Mirman. We flipped a coin backstage, and Charlotte will be going first. Charlotte - a member of an HBO crime family or a high singer.

CHARLOTTE EISENBERG: A soprano.

CHUNG: That's correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Gabriela, it's a Nevada town that's the biggest little city in the world.

GABRIELA LOMBA: I'm very bad at geography (laughter).

CHUNG: Three seconds.

LOMBA: City Ono (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: I'm sorry. We were looking for Reno. Back to Charlotte - it's a Mediterranean herb common in Italian cooking.

C. EISENBERG: Oregano.

CHUNG: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Gabriela - a sweet cherry used in cocktails and Sundays.

LOMBA: Maraschino.

CHUNG: That is correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Charlotte - an iPod that's bigger than a Shuffle but smaller than a Touch.

C. EISENBERG: A nano.

CHUNG: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Gabriela - a long Japanese robe with wide sleeves traditionally worn with a sash.

LOMBA: A kimono.

CHUNG: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Charlotte - this word describes an animal with a medical condition that results in pale skin, white hair and pink eyes.

C. EISENBERG: Albino.

CHUNG: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Gabriela, it's an electronic music genre that emerged from Detroit.

LOMBA: Techno.

CHUNG: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: We're at the halfway point. Charlotte is in the lead 4 to 3. Charlotte, it's a Clint Eastwood movie that shares its name with a car made by Ford.

C. EISENBERG: I don't know any cars - a model T Ford.

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: Clint Eastwood's not that old. We're looking for "Gran Torino." So that was incorrect. Gabriela - Ellen Page stars as the title character in this 2007 film.

LOMBA: "Juno."

CHUNG: That is right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Charlotte, it's a musical instrument that gets its name from the Italian word for soft.

C. EISENBERG: Piano.

CHUNG: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Gabriela, it's a card game where you draw four, skip or reverse.

LOMBA: UNO.

CHUNG: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Charlotte, it's a brand of sugar or a game piece.

C. EISENBERG: Domino.

CHUNG: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: Gabriela, it's a city that hosted the 1998 Winter Olympics.

LOMBA: Oh, sorry, I'm thinking...

CHUNG: Three seconds.

LOMBA: Reno (laughter).

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: No, I'm sorry, that was Nagano. So the score is 6 to 5. You each have one question left. Charlotte, if you get this question right, you win. It's a British podcast where three friends mock poorly written erotic fiction written by one of their parents.

(LAUGHTER)

C. EISENBERG: Oh, God.

CHUNG: Any idea?

C. EISENBERG: No.

CHUNG: No, I'm sorry it was called "My Dad Wrote A Porno."

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: This is your last question. Gabriela, you must answer this correctly to stay in the game. It's a lottery-like casino game with terrible odds of winning.

LOMBA: I'm just thinking, like, things that end with no.

CHUNG: I'm going to have to call time in three seconds.

LOMBA: Domino (laughter) that's not a casino game.

CHUNG: No, I'm sure we were looking for Keino. So with a score of 6 to 5, congratulations, Charlotte, you're our winner.

(APPLAUSE)

O. EISENBERG: Congratulations, Charlotte. That's our show. ASK ME ANOTHER's puzzle guru is Art Chung.

CHUNG: Hey, my name anagrams to narc thug.

O. EISENBERG: Our house musician is Jonathan Coulton.

CHUNG: Thou jolt a cannon.

O. EISENBERG: Our puzzles were written by Travis Larchuk, Rommel Wood and senior writer J. Keith van Straaten. ASK ME ANOTHER's produced by Mike Katzif, Julia Melfi, Denny Shinn and our intern Camila Salazar, along with Steve Nelson and Anya Grundmann. We were recorded by Rick Kwan and ValveTone Recordings. ASK ME ANOTHER was created by Eric Nuzum and Jesse Baker. We like to thank Haverford College in Haverford, Pa...

CHUNG: Hardcore elf glove.

O. EISENBERG: ...And our production partner, WNYC. I'm her ripe begonias.

CHUNG: Ophira Eisenberg.

O. EISENBERG: And this was ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.